Thursday, November 3, 2011

How to Make Sure Your New Partner and Your Kids Get Along

Introducing new partners to your kids is probably one of the most difficult stages of being a single parent. Depending on their age and how things stand with their father, your children may well be determined to make things difficult when it comes to your love life. Therefore, you need to proceed with due caution and be sensitive to their concerns. Here are a few fail safe ways to build a happy relationship between your partner and your children and avoid the danger zones.

Ensure it’s serious…

The easiest way to befuddle your children is to introduce them to too many potential suitors. They will lose faith in you ever finding a serious partner and will probably start to turn their nose up at any stranger that walks across the threshold. Therefore, you have to be completely sure that the relationship is serious and is heading somewhere before getting the children involved. Before this, dates should be strictly separate from your home life.





Introduce them gradually…

If there really is someone you’re very sure about, introduce them slowly. Start by talking about them, telling your children about your time together in Birmingham dating or repeating one of their anecdotes. This will provoke your children’s curiosity but won’t make them feel pressured. Next, ask the children plainly if and when they would like to meet your new love interest. Start small, with half hour cups of coffee and get slowly bigger, eventually spending whole weekends together.

Maintain the difference…

Always keep the difference between your lover and your children’s father distinct. You are not demanding a paternal relationship here and you should make this clear. Never compare the two of them in front of the children and always present your partner as a friend rather than a father figure. This way you are far less likely to cause any upset.

Include them in your routine…

Try not to make the event of meeting your partner seem like a special occasion. Avoid grand days out or anything that might be considered a treat, especially at first. You don’t want the kids to feel bribed into the relationship. Instead, gently work your partner into the everyday family routine. Invite them to dinner, or have them come to the park, working them slowly and naturally into your children’s lives and (hopefully) affections.

Give them time to get to know each other…

After a while, start to let your partner look after the kids on their own. Send them off to the shops, or let them go to the cinema together. This will mean they have time to get to know each other away from the pressure of your anxious presence.

Be transparent…

When it comes to big steps like moving in and getting married, always be as truthful and open as you can possibly be with your kids. Take them through each stage and hold as little as possible back. Any lies will be much more offensive than the straight truth. Whether you met them on one of the top dating sites in the UK or in the supermarket, your partner shouldn’t be afraid of meeting your children. With these top tips they should get on marvelously.